I’ve Moved!

Hello fabulous readers! Long time no…see?

If you haven’t heard, I’ve moved!

Check out my new website here, with an updated blog and about me page

I’m also on twitter and have set up a fancy, schmancy FB fan page!

I would love to “see” you all at the new site!

A Work In Progress

Ugh.

It’s been too long to even say since writing my last blog post and to be honest I’m feeling somewhat embarrassed for my lack of attention. My blog is my baby and really I’ve neglected her. I’ve been up to some amazing things and you as the reader might need to be prepared:

In FOUR WEEKS I’m launching my brand new site!

Yes, that’s right folks. A brand. New. Site.

Not only will my writing be included but I’m officially making it…well, official…and am taking clients for coaching in all things sex ed. Coaching, consulting, one-on-ones and writing, that’s all going to be here and more!

I’ll have a newsletter (please sign up, I’m giving away a cool PDF with every email address!), resource guide, blog, service page and will be available for questions and consultations.

Crazy, right?!?

I am so excited, this is literally my dream! And I get to share it all with YOU. It couldn’t get any better.

I’ve spent the last few weeks writing content, networking with sexologists and coaches around the world, and building up the “cojones” to go big.

I’d love for you to join me. Stay tuned. Get ready. The launch is nearly here.

Baking a Female Fantasy: What’s Your Recipe?

¾ cup description of setting

2 cups someone familiar

3 cups implied desire

1 cup intimacy

¼ cup commitment

1 tbsp negotiation

Mix together. Let bake at 450* in her imagination.

Layer with Passion frosting and sprinkle with Loss of Control.

Top with an Orgasm.

Ingredients can be substituted, added or removed based on individual’s preference


Why The Bachelor Is An Epic Fail

I have a theory about The Bachelor. It goes like this:

The Bachelor is never successful for the male because women are not meant to hunt, fight and “win” over the man.

It’s not in our biology. (Enter disclaimer: I’m all up for equal rights, feminism and the like but give me a chance before you completely cut me off at this point. I ask you to read on, if only for entertainment purposes)

Sure, we have our moments of biological necessity and instinctual pull where we want to attract and keep quality providers for our offspring BUT we are not like men. We are not meant to be the hunters. We create community, build safe space and provide in other ways for our families and the people around us.

Men are the hunters. Their tantalizing foreplay deals with hunting down and winning the hottest prize in the room (aka the hottest piece of ass). It’s what gets them off, even if they don’t realize it.

So when people wonder (myself included) why all the Bachelorette’s seem to have a better go of this stupid show than the men, I must remind them (and myself) that it has nothing to do with the camera crews, the casting director or the ridiculousness of fate.

No, no.

It has to do with biology. The men play their rightful part by hunting down and winning the Bachelorette, while the women play the unlikely roll of aggressor with the Bachelor.

And it never, ever seems to work out.

Why You Should Wear Lipstick

Have any of you read Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastectomy?

It’s the chronicles of a young 20-something diagnosed with breast cancer, making the brave decision to have a mastectomy and her tumultuous task of healing.

And she does it all with bold lips to match her spirit.

I was recently very ill (not death defying ill but still…) and found out I had whooping cough followed by a severe asthma attack. Whooping cough?? Yes, whooping cough. That illness from the 1800’s that used to kill babies. Turns out there is a huge epidemic here in the SF/Marin area and adults are warned to get vaccinated. **Just a tip, GET VACCINATED**

So I was sick. I hadn’t been to see a doctor in at least two or three years, relying on Eastern Medicine, herbs and stress reduction techniques to get me through my bouts of illness, the common cold, etc. but this time was different. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t get oxygen into my lower lungs. My chest felt like it would cave in.

Two inhalers, a steroid, antibiotic and muscle relaxant later I feel as if I am on track for what might be a healthy road ahead.

But steroids do a funny thing to you (not to mention antibiotics and sedatives): they make you antsy, grumpy and uneasy. They mess with your endocrine system, resulting in an imbalance of hormone production. I literally felt on edge all the time. It seemed as if nothing I did could improve my mood so I turned to the last thing I ever thought I would try…

Lipstick.

I never wear the stuff. I’m always worried I’ll smear it all over some poor boy’s face when making out or have that awkward lipstick stain across my pearly whites that no one tells me about for three hours. I’m a lip-gloss girl; au naturale. So why the lipstick?

Lipstick is sophisticated. It’s regal, empowering, dominant and energizing. Swiping color across your lips perks you up. I chose my obvious favorite color: bright, hot pink.

Hot pink is the new red really, so why not maximize my mood and Spring’s trends by investing in a hue I knew I’d consistently wear?

Besides, lipstick is really for the wearer. What color empowers you to put on a bold face, smile bright and sashay across the office/campus/living room?

So there I stood at Walgreen’s in Chinatown perusing the 100 choices of pink lipstick I could buy to (just by chance) offer me the good mood feelings I had been so missing these last few days when aha! there she stood out to me like a diamond in the ruff.

Heavenly by CoverGirl. Hot pink with sass. Just what I was looking for!

And so, with my endocrine system all f*cked up, my body trying to heal, my lungs trying to catch air and my stress levels peaked I placed that hot pink sass on my lips and rocked the Broadway tunnel like a model showing off her couture.

Cause in the end it’s whatever works for you, right??

This is Your Brain on Meditation

Many of you may have heard about a Zen Mind, the Beginner’s Mind or Monkey Mind. My years as a yoga instructor, practitioner and in meditation have led me to these phrases over and over again.

The Zen Mind, or Beginner’s Mind, is a term from the Japanese Zen Buddhism perspective referring to an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject. Even at the advanced level, as students of any subject (or even life!) we are asked to bring the beginner’s mind to the forefront of our learning experiences.

Do you remember what it was like when you first started working at your job? Or when you first started studying for a degree in a subject you loved? That eagerness, excitement, anticipation and thirst for knowledge – that is the Beginner’s Mind.

Monkey Mind, on the other hand, is all that chatter in your head. It is your brain on life.

This is your Monkey Mind:

Messy and murky, fizzing with any new idea, comment, smirk, smile, observation, judgment, fear, emotion and perception.

It’s exhausting and not only that, bad for your health. Just like a soda with all the sugars, artificial flavors and dyes, your mind on life can be bad for your body, your health and your peace of mind. In fact, there is no peace of mind when it looks like that.

But how do you quiet and filter out all these factors of life? It seems every moment can be another fizz in the soda pop of your brain.

Do I look ok?

Do these people like me?

Am I loveable?

Are they laughing at me?

No one likes me.

Pop pop, fizz fizz. There goes your brain again!

The answer: meditation.

That is your brain on meditation.

Calm, peaceful, immune to the snafu’s of everyday life; meditation draws out all the reactions, judgments and artificial lies that currently make up your life.

For the first time you’ll be able to see clearly.

As you start to filter out the Monkey Mind, you’ll need to call on your Beginner’s Mind. There will be moments of pure aggression, agitation and annoyance as you sift through all that makes your mind so murky.

At first your mind will go flat. Like a soda that looses its fizz, your mind will stop reacting to every aspect it encounters.

It will then lose its flavor. You won’t be interested in engaging in the melodramas of life that once tasted so good.

And then you’ll start to filter. Each moment in meditation will take you further in clearing out your cup and seeing life in a whole new way.

So today I ask you to start noticing what makes your mind go pop. Start becoming conscious of what it is that sets you off or gets you judging others. Then tonight sit for five minutes (yes, only five) and shut it off. Spend five minutes not thinking about any of the crap that you thought about all day. End your meditation with a smile; you are on your way!

Open Your Eyes!

I’m often asked (and I often have to ask) where are all the men? Where do we single ladies go to meet them? I’ve heard the same ol’, same ol’ advice: bars, sporting events, grocery store, gym, join a co-ed sports league…yadda yadda yadda. But it seems like in a city full of singles it would (and should!) be easier.

And then it hit me the other day: ladies, the men are EVERYWHERE! Literally everywhere. And I got to thinking about how I was complaining about meeting men, how I never felt I was meeting any and then thinking about how I was thinking about meeting men. Once I opened my eyes to the reality that men (ahem, available men) are everywhere, they started showing up and I was letting them show up. You see, it’s all about perception.

Turns out I was getting in my own way in meeting them. I was the problem. I was cynical, slightly apprehensive and pessimistic about the entire experience so I was never meeting anyone. Once I flipped that mindset I was able to break through my own prejudices and see the endless dating possibilities available.

*Warning: by flipping your mindset and getting out of your own way, dating will get a lot more fun, dates will be knocking down your door and life as you know it will not be the same

The Universe Has Something For You!

We are always striving.

Striving for the ideal career, ideal partner, meaning in life, meaningful relationships and love. We are always striving for love.  And it seems that no one seems to “have it all”.

When at one moment you’ve reached a new high in your work, you may be reaching an all-new low in your personal life. When your quest for love consumes your time and your work starts to suffer, the table has flipped. When we hit that sweet spot in our relationships and social life yet for some reason feel more depressed than ever on the inside, you plunge deeper into the unknown and strive even harder for happiness. You can be more discouraged than ever when that missing link continues to evade you and sometimes you may start to wonder if you really can have it all.

So we as humans strive, day in and day out, for the balance of it all. The great relationship, the great work and the great life. And we really can have it all, when we give up forcing and let the Universe deliver.

For once I’m going to ask you to sit back, sit still and receive.

Yes, receiving! The key ingredient to feeling the love of the Universe. How many of us receive? Instead we toll and struggle and push through and pound the pavement so hard that when it comes time to receive we almost don’t know how!

One of my favorite quotes and one that I want to share with you from one of my mentors Gabrielle Bernstein is, “Right when you stop trying to get something the Universe gets it for you.”

Take a look at how YOU receive all the gifts that the Universe provides. Are you open to all that is offered? Or are you so focused on what it is you think should be your end goal that you have missed it entirely?

How Food Can Fuel Your Sex Drive

As I work my way through school and training as a relationship/sex coach, I’m learning some fascinating things about libido. Did you know food plays a major role in not only libido but sexual functioning as well? They do! Below are some everyday foods that are specifically used for various sexual circumstances, that you can start enjoying today!

Chocolate – Yes, yes I’m sure you are quite aware of what chocolate does to the body. It’s rich in antioxidants and gets the blood pumping (keep to the dark variety for the most benefits). Its primary compound is phenylethylamine, which is known for releasing endorphins (feel-good hormones), kind of like the high you get after an intense run or workout. The newest research indicates that chocolate is actually all in the head, meaning there is nothing it does specifically to your body other than release hormones and help think your way sexy. Works for me!

Watermelon- Oh yes, this juicy summer favorite is a go-to for the bedroom. Watermelon contains a high level of citrulline, an amino acid, which your body uses to release another amino acid, arginine. Arginine is typically known to help vascular health but in guys this can translate to a healthier erection; in women, increased libido! Studies have been conducted at the University of Hawaii to further enhance these claims, in the meantime I see no harm in buying a few melons.

Saffron – A well-known spice throughout Spanish and Mediterranean regions, it’s been known for improving sexual performance. Coupled with ginseng and yohimbine, these three substances can keep you going all night long!

Pumpkin Seeds – I knew there was a reason I loved Halloween! These delectable little seeds increase potency, drive and fertility for both men and women. Containing zinc, these seeds help raise testosterone levels in men and sexual desire in women. They are also rich in omega-3, which acts as a precursor of prostaglandins, hormone-like substances that play a key role in sexual health.

Asparagus – Yes, it will make your pee smell funny but who cares when it is known as one of the most intense libido boosters around? Asparagus is very high in vitamin E (which incidentally is known as the ‘sex vitamin’) and can raise your libido through the roof if eaten a few times a week. *I also recommend taking a vitamin E supplement daily, just for the sake of sexual satisfaction

Basil – The little herb that really started it all. Basil is known for increasing circulation (especially in the nether regions!) and also boosts fertility. What’s most fascinating about basil is that its scent is known to literally drive us wild! Mediterranean prostitutes wore basil oil to entice clientele, though I’m not quite sure I would recommend you mixing up a batch of your own!

Epic is a Four Letter Word

I can’t get over just how much fun I had this past NYE! I spent the evening in VIP at one of the largest parties this city had to offer and it was nothing short of epic! In honor of a fabulous night (and year!) I’m sharing a few photos below…xoxo!

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